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Armchair GM – v7
- Updated: September 18, 2011
Fire Bruce Arians Now! Part 1000
Okay, I can’t totally blame Bruce Arians for the loss against the Ratbirds, but once again he has totally reverted to form. Where Cowher, Wisenhunt and Gailey always took the biggest risks during the biggest games, Arians ass always puckers. He’s all great, bold and imaginative when nothings on the line and for crap when it is. Once again, Mariucci, Gruden or Fitchner, please? The sooner we do this the better.
Offensive Line – I’m still longing for the day I never have to write about this for the rest of my life. What in the Hell of Hell are they thinking? Jonathan Scott is not now nor will he ever be a starting NFL Left Tackle. He had his jock on the ground all game long. Chris K. and Legursky constantly got beat up the middle. Why in the Wide Wide World of Sports won’t they start Ramon Foster? All the times they put him in I only saw him beat once… And now the capper is Willie Colon is out for another season, torn triceps. Rookie Marcus Gilbert who I had hoped would replace Jonathan Scott now has to replace Willie Colon at Right Tackle. Wowsers. Yet another season of Ben getting battered and beaten and running for his life. If my last name was Rooney there would be a bunch of folks looking for jobs right now. I’m talking both linemen and coaches here.
The Secondary – CB Bryant McFadden is toast I think. He got beat consistently and just plain out-foxed by Anquan Boldin. Troy and Ryan Clark looked lost and were constantly out of position. They looked unorganized, confused and very un-Troy and Ryan-like. Ike Taylor was the only one that looked like he knew his ass from his elbow.
The Defense – They’re all 30+ or pushing it and boy did they look like it in the hot muggy Baltimore weather. They looked like they were running through mud most of the game. I’m sure I don’t need to tell anyone their performance was piss poor. We need to give Ziggy Hood and Cameron Heyward more playing time.
The Ratbirds Suck – The Ratbird Fans actually sent up a cheer, ‘Steelers Suck’. Okay, fine, yuck it up. Your low-class ass is on it’s way back through our House, probably twice as Terrell Sugs commented. I’ve heard the Ratbird Organization compared to the Steelers. They are not even close nor will they ever be. They have no moral compass and I don’t think they’d know what to do with one if they found it. They have now passed the Buffalo Bills as having the worst fans in the NFL.
Cam Cameron (Ratbird OC) – He totally outfoxed our box. If you can out smart Dick LeBeau you’re pretty damn good. Hey… we could use an Offensive Coordinator…
Troy Palamalu’s Body Slam – I’ve never seen Troy that mad before. The officials handled that really well. I thought we were going to have multiple ejections.
People that can Go Screw.
Michael the Dog Killer Vick – I really don’t give a crap that he had a good game. He sucks and is a person of low character as is his brother Marcus.
Phil Simms – He is both blind and an idiot. He is the worst announcer on TV.
Ed Reed – I don’t have to explain, do I?
The Ratbird Fans – See above.
The Dallas Plow Girls – In general, Tony Romo in particular.
Tom Brady – Yeesh.
Cam Newton – It feels like he’s been in the league for 10 years, enough already.
Roger Goodell and the NFL in General – They can go screw and go blow.
The Seasquawks – We really need to pound a team into Gorilla Cookies to get our mind right.
People who support Kick-Offs from the 35 yard line – Can we give them an hour alone with Jack Lambert? Please? Please?
Reconfigured 2012 Draft Preview
When I did my first ‘Way too Early Draft Preview’. I had Moonbeams and Unicorns dancing through my head and thought we would have ‘Luxury’ draft picks like the ‘Slash’ I’ve been aiming for for years. I have no such illusions now and so:
Rd 1 Chase Minnifield CB Virginia – Minnifield has the size (6-1) and leaping ability to cover the premier WR’s in the league. He’s the son of Pro-bowler Frank Minnifield so he’s got a pedigree. We need a bookend to Ike Taylor.
Rd 2 Nate Potter OT-OG Boise – I had him in this slot and can’t actually see moving him. You put him at Left Guard and I think he’ll be a ‘Set and Forget’ player for the next 10 yrs.
Rd 3 Tony Dye SS-FS-CB UCLA – I had to move him up, because the Steelers won’t allow me to play with any toys. A talented and versatile athlete and possible Ryan Clark successor. Troy back-up as well.
Rd 4 Al Netter OL Northwestern or Blake DeChristopher OL Virginia – Two good solid smart OL’s. We need all the help we can get.
Rd 5 Dontari Poe NT Memphis – Casey Hampton can’t last forever. Even though he seems like he can. Poe is a Junior so this is only if he comes out, otherwise I’d go for more Secondary help.
Rd 6 Blair Walsh K Georgia or David Ruffer K Notre Dame – You know people are going to have to come to grips with the fact that you actually need to draft Place Kickers and not just expect them to fall in your lap. I don’t know why nobody understands this. It’s one of the most important positions on the team, second to Quarterback. I hear a bunch of crap about Left Tackle from my sources. How many times has an LT saved the game in the final seconds? PK’s are the leading scorers in NFL for craps sake.
Rd 7 Josh Oglesbay OL Wisconsin – I have no idea why this guy is projected so low, but he is. He looks rock solid in both the running game and pass protection. And he’s from OL Factory of Wisconsin.
Post Game Talk – You know there are a few coaches that I would not want to be in a locker room with after a game like that. Shula, Lombardi and yes Mike Tomlin. He never seems to lose his cool. He just gets that look and you know he’s totally pissed off. I have a feeling the Seahawks are going to be in for it.
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